Is it Better to Have an Exclusive, Committed Relationship?


  • Does God intend human beings to have only one partner in their lifetime? Is it better for a person to maintain an exclusive, committed relationship?
  • Runanubandha is a term used in spirituality which refers to the body's memory, which comprises of genetic memory and memory of intimate physical connect.
The Deeper Concept of Rnanubandha and Karmic Relations
  • Introduction - First of all you need to understand what is karama and what are karmic relationships and how both are interlinked with  Debt of pasts. That shows reason for those seeds and how are they interrelated to the Past births Karmic actions, as said below Karama is neither a punishment nor a treat its just a way to know about yourself and unfulfilled desires those are keep revolving from past birth cosmic cycles.
  • It’s not easy to understand what are karmic relationships which bound us from many years or why we are just stick to them from our childhoods days with many of people we interact, share, love and responds them in a unique way. The best way to understand Karmic bondage’s is to just keep silent and understand them and ask millions of questions to your soul itself.
  • In Layman language, A karmic relationship is a deep rooted karmic actions based romantic bond that is formed with someone whom you feel connected always and somehow you thinks you are made for and most probably it might be belong from your soul group categories in order to repent, heal past life lessons and pain a soul is going through from many years.

  • Karmic relationships are the type of category that looks like a soulmate type bond that no one wants in a direct way, but ultimately everyone will get it in karmic cycle of this birth. These bonds are difficult to understand and are emotionally very taxing, sometime it takes shapes of abusive and verbal conflicts, and most important it has controlling and manipulative nature in sense.

  • There is no way to get out from such karmic bonds until and unless soul deeply learn his karmic lessons those are pending from this birth system meanwhile they keep moving in a cosmic cycle for years to understand each other. The only way to heal and understand a karmic relationship is when one or the other person try to understand its spiritual background of relations and take a decision to steps out of the karmic cycle and grows spiritually.For ending a karmic relation, someone need to become stronger, broader and he has to be think deeper meaning of life and grow himself spiritually. When any one from the karmic relation decides to walks away from the bond completely – either via physically and energetically – the relationship will be over.

  • To fully understand and heal a karmic relationship, you need to think much time to self realize or evaluate within yourself, look within yourself to fully understand the process of whole bond i.e  the lessons, the relationship has taught you before you decided to move over for the next relationship.

Is it a Chain of Karmic Relations or Really True Soul Mate exist : The Seed of Karmic Lessons

  • If you directly jump into a new relationship immediately without even realising, repenting or self evaluating the  whole situation of bond without understanding the pattern of relationship, things will keep repeating themselves again and again in any new relationship because the deep rooted issues have not been fully healed and realised yet.
  • Decision to Jumping again into a new relationship too soon after ending the last karmic bond will again reopen the aspects of the pattern cycle of karmic sufferings. The whole essence  in a karmic bond in any karmic suffering is to realise the mistake you are keep doing in past relationships. You must need to give the time and wounds created by all the relationship and the time they need to teach and heal you.
  • Once you have learned the karmic lessons and patterns of keep falling in multiple relationships and you had tried to broken down this pattern via growing spiritually, at the end you will be free from all of your patterns in a one way go and you will a free bird for forever where there will be no pending karma is in your basket . Even This cycle will be complete itself for the other person too, on it’s own, without involving in any participation from you.If you have tried himself to fully heal the lessons within yourself, in any life you will be free from all the pending past karmic relations.
  • The only way to meet true love soulmates will only be possible after the final ending realisation and breaking the pattern of karmas, learning, suffering and after healing the a karmic bond reason being karmic relationship comes up in our life to show us the guilt, repent and the unhealed pain we are carrying from many births.When you heal the pain you carry with your karmic cycle, you will be open to experiencing the true love mate you truly deserve in this life cycle.

What are Soul mates, are they different then Karmic Relations ?

  • Well spiritually a Soul Mate can be any of relation that has any place in your life, it can be your family member or can be your friend too or love mate too. These are special purpose  souls that come into our lives for stronger reasons that has greater lessons and teachings are connected with it.
  • Every human being has categories of soul i.e Satvik, Tamasik or Rajasic etc and when we encounter any other such souls in our lives with following tatava in them,  it usually creates frictions like a two energy forces can create different, intriguing and challenging effects. Some souls will feels that they have known each other from another lifetimes, some might clash, and some might feels like they have never met such person’s  company ever.
  • Some of the souls those comes into our lives  help us growing love and wisdom in each other, while others help us in learning difficult life lessons or realising universal truths might be in harsh way or in true manner.
  • Each of those soul comes into our lives creates significant life transforming moments for a greater purpose.
  • Spiritually Soul Mates serve as mirrors of ourselves. What we see in another soul reflects our own soul.When we are capable of seeing others souls as ‘mates’, (including our enemies), as members of our family that are there to teach us life lessons, then our whole perception and relation to other people changes entirely.
Now understand What is the deeper meaning of ” Runanubandha ” ?
  • We take birth in a family, we meet friends, we meet parents, we meet many partners, we indulge with them, we create further karmas and finally after doing many sins and karmic actions we fall in a good relationship or either  we feel like marriage is a burden to us, we feels that parents are not listening to us and we leave our parents and close friends circle and live in an isolation to repent those sufferings; question is why it so ??. Logic is very clear we carry our certain karmas and we exhaust some of them and those we left we took away with for our next birth, don’t you think- there is a deep mystery in this karmic cycle.
The True Definition: 
  • Rnanubandhanis actually the bond of past birth karmic actions that results from Karmic debts at the root of repeated lives we take in this cosmic cycle.Numerous Karma which we are doing in day to day life is leading us in many “Rina” and this Rina further leads to Karma again. It is a two way cycle, If you have given or done something to somebody in some life, the memory of karmic actions will be stored in your Soul (Astral body) and all the memory will be attach with the soul. the person or the soul whom you had done something good or bad will be your debtor or creditor in this birth.If you had taken something in the past, it will be taken from you in any of birth you take, it could be this immediate birth or it could because of some of birth. If you had given good in the past it will be come back to you later somehow.
  • In Numerous birth we take, Astral body keep on  storing the memories, sufferings and happiness of all of runanubandham relations in countless births.Unless and until all the karma stored in the soul body is burnt away or exhausted by the physical  body, there is no point of liberation from birth cycle. Logically, we are memory of runanubandham of all the births, and the countless karmas we do  in any relationship reflects some sort of  runanubandha.

Those we are having strong  bond or relations will be part of our strong runanubandham and they usually become our parents, spouse, children and close friends in this life.

  • God may not have intentions for you. The question is, what is the sensible thing for you to do? There are two aspects to this — one is a social one. Generally, they always said “one man — one woman” in order to stabilize society. In parts of the world where they said “one man — several women,” they had to rule with a stronger hand to keep society stable. I will not go further into this.
  • The other aspect is, all substances in existence have memory. Your body still actively remembers what happened a million years ago. Genetics is just memory. In Indian culture, this physical memory is called runanu bandha. It is your memory that binds you to things around you. Suppose you went home and you forgot who your father and mother are, what would you do? It is not the blood or the love, it is the memory that tells you this person is your mother or father. It is only memory that breeds relationship and bondage. If you lose your memory, anyone will look like an absolute stranger to you.
  • Your mind’s memory is miniscule compared to your body’s memory. If you just touch something or someone once, the mind might forget, but in the body, it is registered forever. When people have sex with each other, the mind may forget it, but the body will never forget. If you get a divorce, no matter how much you hate your spouse — still you will go through pain because the physical memory can never be lost.
  • Even if you just hold someone’s hand intimately enough for a certain period of time, this will never be forgotten, because your palms and your soles are very effective receptors. Whenever you see somebody you do not want to get involved and entangled with, just do “Namaskar,” because when you bring your two hands together (or you bring your big toes together), it stops the body from soaking in memory.
  • The idea is to keep the physical memory to the minimum because otherwise, taking you to a different level of experience becomes difficult. Those who have indulged excessively in pleasure have a certain grin on their face that is of a leery superiority, but there is no joy in them. It takes a lot of work to get rid of that, because physical memory entangles you in a way that your mind cannot even figure out. So it is very important that you learn to be conscious about what you expose your body to.

The Price to Be Paid

  • There is a price to pay for too much intimacy all over the place — unless you know how to keep the body at a distance from yourself. For such a person it does not matter what he does. But such a person has no inclination to do such things. He is not compelled by the limitations and compulsions of the body — he is using the body as a tool. Otherwise, it is best to limit intimacy to the minimum. That is why we said one to one, unless one of them dies and the other one remarries. But now, before you are 25, you had 25 partners — people are already paying the price for that — 10% of the population in the United States is on antidepressants. One major contributing factor is they do not know where they belong, because the body is confused.
  • The body needs stable memory — people feel this. Their spouse may not be physically great or intellectually great, they may be quarreling on the surface, but still they would sacrifice anything to be with them, because somewhere, they understand that this gives them maximum comfort and wellbeing. This is because your physical memory rules your life much, much more than your mental memory. The very way you are right now is ruled by your physical memory, not by your mental memory. Mental memory can be thrown away tomorrow morning, but you cannot throw your physical memory away. That would require a completely different level of spiritual evolution within you.

Minimizing the Physical Memory

  • Modern science says this, and in the yogic system, we have always known this: the five elements — water, air, earth and so on — have a strong sense of memory. If I go to any place that is of some significance on an energy level, I do not ask people about it — I just place my hands on a rock. By being with it, I will know the whole story of the place. Like the rings of a tree tell you the ecological history of the place, rocks have an even better memory.
  • Generally, the denser the substance, the better its ability to retain memory, and inanimate substances have better memory than animate life. Today’s technology is proving it — your computer has better memory than you. The human mind is not for memory — it is for perception. The inanimate cannot perceive — it can only remember. Deities and other consecrated objects have been created because they are powerful forms of memory.
  • In India, there was a time when you could only enter a Shiva temple naked. Only after the British came into the country and started banning all these things, we have become very prudish. The idea of going naked to the temple was to take the memory of the Divine into the body. You take a dip and then lie down on the floor with wet body so that it soaks in memory of the Divine. The mind looks at other people, what is happening, but the body absorbs the energy of the space.
  • Both at the entrance of Dhyanalinga and Linga Bhairavi, there are sculptures of prostrating devotees. This is to show you that the body soaks in the Divine much better than the mind. It is just that human beings cannot go nude anymore because we have become so civilized — we put on so many clothes that we do not know whether there is a body or not. Only when sexual urges come up, people know that they have a body.

Erasing the Physical Memory

  • You can erase your physical memory through deep devotion or certain other practices. There was a woman who came down south to Kanyakumari, which is the southern tip of India. We do not know where exactly she came from, but looking at her face, probably from Nepal. She just walked around, never uttered a word, and always a bunch of dogs were following her. She would even steal food just to feed these dogs, and many times, she was beaten up for that. But then, people would sometimes find her floating on the waves. This was a coastal town where three oceans meet. She would go to the beach, sit cross-legged on the water, and float around. Then people started worshiping her. When she came, they would still protect their food, but they could not beat her anymore because she was something more.
  • Her whole life she had lived outdoors. She slept on the street or on the beach without any kind of shelter. She had a completely weather-beaten face — very similar to pictures you would have seen of old Native Americans. Towards the end of her life, when she was over 70, a famous South Indian musician saw her and became her devotee. He brought her to Salem, Tamil Nadu and built a small house for her there, and a few devotees gathered around her.
  • About 15, 16 years ago, a man happened to be in a hill station near Salem. There, someone told him about this woman — her name was Mayamma. She was already dead by then. It was a full moon night, and they said there would be a pooja at Mayamma’s samadhi. The man drove down , to spend the evening there. It was the most unimpressive little place — a concrete samadhi. When he came there, it just hit him in the face — the very energy of that place was like an explosion. As he sat there, hours flew by. Later, there was a free dinner. A devotee of hers was serving us food. The visitor looked at this man’s face and he could not believe it — he looked exactly like her! He was a South Indian man, but he looked like a Nepali woman. Out of devotion, his face had become almost like hers.
  • If you erase your physical memory, your body will become like that which matters most to you. The very shape of everything in you will change. That means you get rid of your genetic compulsions. When someone takes sanyas, the first thing is to do a certain process for the parents and forefathers. Normally, we conduct this process for the dead, but for sanyasis, we do this even if the parents are still living. Not that we intend them to die — the idea is to wash off one’s physical memory.
  • When you were 18, you might have rebelled against your father and your mother, but by the time you are 45, whether you like it or not, you begin to talk like them and act like them. It is not just your parents — your forefathers are acting through you right now. Your behavior is generated and controlled by them. That is why, if you become serious about the spiritual process, the first step is to distance yourself from your genetic memory. Without doing that, you cannot get rid of the compulsions of your forefathers. They will live through you and rule you in so many ways.
  • When the memory of the body rules you to such an extent, it is better to keep it to the minimum in this lifetime. After all, you still have to get rid of a million years of memory from your forefathers. You have a reptilian brain — the crawling snake and the lizard, and even the scorpion still live through you. Do not think the brain is mind — the brain is body. At least in this lifetime, you want to limit these impressions so that your body does not get confused.
  • People who were aware of this context created spiritual processes in such a way that the body would become most conducive. Everywhere in the world, it is understood that if someone gets very serious about his spiritual process, the first thing that he does is keep away from all kinds of relationships, because if he builds any physical relationships, naturally, it will complicate things. Only if he is either so compulsive that he needs it, that you cannot take him beyond that right now, or he is so free that he does not identify with the body, we let him have it — otherwise, we generally say no. But if you must, at least stick to one body, because too many will confuse the physical system.


Question : If you have intimate sexual relationships with different people, it can mess up your energies. I find myself in such a situation. I left one relationship and now I am in another one, but I feel guilty and confused about it.

  • Whatever guilt and confusion you feel is in your mind. That can happen to you anyway, even without any physical contact. Guilt is a social phenomenon. What you feel guilty about essentially depends upon what people around you have told you is right and wrong in whatever society you live. Something you feel guilty about in one society, you would not feel guilty about in another society.
  • In this context was runanubandha, which is a certain kind of physical memory. You pick up runanubandha in many ways, but sexual relationships have maximum impact in terms of the amount of memory that they leave, compared to any other kind of touch, or any substance you come in touch with.
  • This is not a question of guilt or ridding yourself of guilt. This is not about social conditioning – we are only looking at the existential aspects of life. The body has its own memory. Today, there is research happening in this direction. To put it in a simplified way, let us say for example, your father, when he was a child, liked to play with round objects, round pebbles, and things like that, and he developed a certain level of involvement with them. As his child, without knowing why, you will tend to choose similar things. It is proven that these repetitions happen. This is simply because you carry a certain genetic material.

Runanubandha in Men & Women

  • Runanubandha is the physical memory that you carry within you. This memory can be acquired due to blood relationships or sexual relationships. When it comes to sexual relationships, a woman’s body has much more memory. When it comes to genetic material, a man’s body has much more memory. Generally, over eighteen to twenty-one years of age, a woman’s body carries less physical memory than a man’s body. The main reason why nature has done this is because a woman has to bear a child from a man who is not genetically connected with her. For her to carry the child to term, it is very important that her genetic memory is less.
  • Many women can vouch for this – the moment you get pregnant, without knowing why, your emotions for your parents and other blood relatives will fade to some extent. At least in India, when you are pregnant, you go back to your mother to seek her support, for practical reasons. But the emotional connection will decrease dramatically. This is part of nature’s system to enable a mother to comfortably accommodate the genetic material of the child’s father within her system. Otherwise, if the mother’s body has too much memory of her own parentage, the unborn child, which carries different genetic material, will struggle.
  • Runanubandha cannot be equated with the genetic factors that are being transmitted from parent to child. It is a physical memory of where you came from – not necessarily in terms of color of your skin, shape of your nose, how you are built, and so on. It is just that even if you as much as hold someone’s hand, you develop runanubandha. This is why in India, people greet you with folded hands. They do not want to acquire runanubandha. The same applies for passing on certain substances, like salt, sesame seeds, or soil – people never take them from somebody else’s hands, to avoid developing runanubandha. Since this culture is essentially oriented towards liberation, this awareness and these sensitivities are there not to build bondage in life, but to keep it only to the extent that is absolutely necessary.

  • The body remembers any kind of intimacy – not only with another physical body, but with any physical substance. Certain types of substances have more of an impact than others. You will see, if a yogi comes to sit somewhere, he will walk up and down, look here and there, feel different places, and then settle down in a particular place. Because they are sensitive to what is suitable for their system.

  • You will only be conscious about these things if you are working in a certain way with your system. Otherwise, if every day you are eating all kinds of things that you have no control about; if you are travelling a lot, you cannot maintain all this. But generally, for long periods of time, people did not move anywhere. Even just two generations ago, most people would be born, live, and die in the same house. Today, you come in touch with many more people and substances, and it has become all-the-more relevant to be conscious of not developing too much runanubandha.

Washing off Runanubandha

  • There are certain festivals like Pongal or Bhogi that are about clearing up your mental baggage, your emotional baggage, and your runanubandha. At Linga Bhairavi, we do Klesha Nashana Kriya. You could consider it as a ritual fire wash, which you can make use of if a regular shower is not sufficient to get you clean. Klesha Nashana Kriya is a way of burning physical memories that you have picked up – not necessarily because of relationships. Just by coming in touch with people, situations, atmospheres, so many things, the body picks up memory.
  • There is fire wash, and of course, water wash every day. At the time in your life when you are into a lot of sadhana, you would have somewhere between five and seven showers a day, because your system becomes so sensitive. For example, you sit on a particular cushion, and you are conscious what this cushion is doing to you, so you want to wash it off by at least letting water run over your body. Most yogis have bath at least twice a day, at the minimum. Usually, it is a dip in the river – you dip in flowing water so that you are washed clean.
  • During certain seasons, like the shift of the Sun from the southern hemisphere to northern hemisphere, and again, from north to south, the winds are strong on the Indian subcontinent. One simple process is to go and stand in the wind so that you get a proper air wash. It will do wonders to you. Try this – when there is a strong breeze, just wear something loose and simply stand there for half an hour, with your eyes closed, being conscious of it. Turn both ways, so that the breeze flows over you from front and back. You will feel so much lighter and better.
  • In the ashram, all the brahmacharis wash their clothes separately. This is because all of them are doing sadhana and everyone has their own specific characteristic – we do not want it all mixed up. Another way to prevent a mix-up is to coat the clothes with soil in every wash. Sadhus and sanyasis always use finely sieved red earth to dye their clothes. The clothes are originally white, but because they are constantly washed with filtered earth, they turn mud color.
  • Similarly, the buildings in the ashram are painted with soil and a certain adhesive for it to stick like paint. Those who are doing intense sadhana must either wash separately, or coat your clothes with some soil material every time you wash them, so that the only runanubandha that you have is with the earth – not with people or things around you. Apart from that, if you wear clothes that are dipped in red earth, in some way, it is a reminder for the body as to where it comes from and where it will go. Another way of doing it is to have a mud bath. The idea of a mud bath is to clear everything.

Well-being is more than happiness and life satisfaction

What is well-being?

  • Well-being has been defined as the combination of feeling good and functioning well; the experience of positive emotions such as happiness and contentment as well as the development of one’s potential, having some control over one’s life, having a sense of purpose, and experiencing positive relationships . It is a sustainable condition that allows the individual or population to develop and thrive. The term subjective well-being is synonymous with positive mental health. The World Health Organization defines positive mental health as “a state of well-being in which the individual realizes his or her own abilities, can cope with the normal stresses of life, can work productively and fruitfully, and is able to make a contribution to his or her community”. This conceptualization of well-being goes beyond the absence of mental ill health, encompassing the perception that life is going well.
  • Well-being has been linked to success at professional, personal, and interpersonal levels, with those individuals high in well-being exhibiting greater productivity in the workplace, more effective learning, increased creativity, more prosocial behaviors, and positive relationships. Further, longitudinal data indicates that well-being in childhood goes on to predict future well-being in adulthood. Higher well-being is linked to a number of better outcomes regarding physical health and longevity as well as better individual performance at work, and higher life satisfaction has been linked to better national economic performance.
  • The body needs stable memory — people feel this. Their spouse may not be physically great or intellectually great, they may be quarreling on the surface, but still they would sacrifice anything to be with them, because somewhere, they understand that this gives them maximum comfort and wellbeing.
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