3. Beware the Media
- Sometimes a country’s entire journalism corps can fall into an apparent honey trap. Yevgeny Ivanov was a Soviet attaché in London in the early 1960s. He was a handsome, personable officer and a popular figure on the British diplomatic and social scene, a frequent guest at parties given by society osteopath Stephen Ward.
- Ward was famous for inviting the pick of London’s beautiful young women to his gatherings. One of them was Christine Keeler, a scatterbrained ’60s “good-time girl” who supposedly became Ivanov’s mistress. Unfortunately for everyone involved, Keeler was the lover of the married British MP and Secretary of State for War John Profumo, who was then working on plans with the United States to station cruise missiles in Germany.
- In 1963, Profumo’s affair with Keeler was exposed in the press. Britain’s famed scandal sheets also blew up the Soviet spy/honey trap angle, for which there was no evidence. Profumo was forced to resign for lying about the affair to the House of Commons. His wife forgave him, but his career was ruined.
- Ivanov was recalled to Moscow, where he lived out his days pouring ridicule on the whole story: “It is ludicrous to think that Christine Keeler could have said to John Profumo in bed one night, ‘Oh, by the way, darling, when are the cruise missiles going to arrive in Germany?'” He was probably right: When the media gets hold of a potential honey trap, the truth is easily lost.
4. The Deadliest of Honey Traps
- Not all honey traps are heterosexual ones. In fact, during less tolerant eras, a homosexual honey trap with a goal of blackmail could be just as effective as using women as bait.
- Take the tragic story of Jeremy Wolfenden, the London Daily Telegraph‘s correspondent in Moscow in the early 1960s. Wolfenden was doubly vulnerable to KGB infiltration: He spoke Russian, and he was gay. Seizing its opportunity, the KGB ordered the Ministry of Foreign Trade’s barber to seduce him and put a man with a camera in Wolfenden’s closet to take compromising photos. The KGB then blackmailed Wolfenden, threatening to pass on the photographs to his employer if he did not spy on the Western community in Moscow.
- Wolfenden reported the incident to his embassy, but the official British reaction was not what he expected. On his next visit to London, he was called to see an officer from the Secret Intelligence Service (SIS) who asked him to work as a double agent, leading the KGB along but continuing to report back to SIS.
- The stress led Wolfenden into alcoholism. He tried to end his career as a spy, marrying a British woman he had met in Moscow, arranging a transfer from Moscow to the Daily Telegraph‘s Washington bureau, and telling friends he had put his espionage days behind him.
- But the spy life was not so easily left behind. After encountering his old SIS handler at a British Embassy party in Washington in 1965, Wolfenden was again pulled back into the association. His life fell into a blur of drunkenness. On Dec. 28, 1965, when he was 31, he died, apparently from a cerebral hemorrhage caused by a fall in the bathroom. His friends believed, no matter what the actual cause of death, that between them, the KGB and the SIS had sapped his will to live.
- Ironically, his time as a spy probably produced little useful material for either side. His colleagues weren’t giving him any information because they were warned that he was talking to the KGB, and the Soviets weren’t likely to give him anything either. In this case, the honey pot proved deadly — with little purpose for anyone.
5. All the Single Ladies
- The broadest honey trap in intelligence history was probably the creation of the notorious East German spymaster, Markus Wolf. In the early 1950s, Wolf recognized that, with marriageable German men killed in large numbers during World War II and more and more German women turning to careers, the higher echelons of German government, commerce, and industry were now stocked with lonely single women, ripe — in his mind — for the temptations of a honey trap.
- Wolf set up a special department of the Stasi, East Germany’s security service, and staffed it with his most handsome, intelligent officers. He called them “Romeo spies.” Their assignment was to infiltrate West Germany, seek out powerful, unmarried women, romance them, and squeeze from them all their secrets.
- Thanks to the Romeo spies and their honey traps, the Stasi penetrated most levels of the West German government and industry. At one stage, the East Germans even had a spy inside NATO who was able to give information on the West’s deployment of nuclear weapons. Another used her connections to become a secretary in the office of the West German chancellor, Helmut Schmidt.
- The scheme lost its usefulness when the West German counterintelligence authorities devised a simple way of identifying the Stasi officers as soon as they arrived in West Germany: They sported distinctly different haircuts — the practical “short back and sides” variety instead of the fashionable, elaborate West German style. Alerted by train guards, counterintelligence officers would follow the Romeo spies and arrest them at their first wrong move.
- Three of the women were caught and tried, but in general the punishment was lenient. One woman who managed to penetrate West German intelligence was sentenced to only six and a half years in prison, probably because ordinary West Germans had some sympathy with the women. Wolf himself faced trial twice after the collapse of communism but received only a two-year suspended sentence, given the confusion of whether an East German citizen could be guilty of treachery to West Germany.
- Unlike most spymasters, Wolf preserved his own thoughts on his experience for posterity in his autobiography, Man Without a Face. Wolf denied that he put pressure on his officers to use die Liebe to do their jobs; it was up to the officers themselves: “They were sharp operators who realized that a lot can be done with sex. This is true in business and espionage because it opens up channels of communication more quickly than other approaches.”
- How about the morality of it all? Wolf replied for all spymasters when he wrote, “As long as there is espionage, there will be Romeos seducing unsuspecting [targets] with access to secrets.” Yet he maintains: “I was running an intelligence service, not a lonely-hearts club.”
- What makes you so sure you weren’t successfully manipulated? Perhaps their whole purpose was to bolster your conviction of your immunity to manipulation, to make it easier to implement.
- All human interactions are manipulative; they are intended partly as an honest expression of feelings or opinions, and partly to elicit a desired response from the other person. There is nothing wrong with that, as long as your intentions are honorable — that is, as long as you are attempting to manipulate others for your mutual benefit, not to gain an advantage over them. In fact, no one wants a relationship without any manipulation. It’s as natural and necessary as breathing — so it’s a good idea to learn how to do it well!
Manipulation: Symptoms to Look For
- It’s natural for people in relationships to have problems as the relationship grows. Sometimes these issues stem from emotions or greed. One type of problem that can surface in any type of relationship is manipulation. Learn the signs of manipulation and what to do about it if it happens in your relationships.
What Is Manipulation?
- Manipulation is the exercise of harmful influence over others. People who manipulate others attack their mental and emotional sides to get what they want. The person doing the manipulating, called the manipulator, seeks to create an imbalance of power. They take advantage of you to get power, control, benefits, and/or privileges.
- Manipulation can happen in close or casual relationships, but they are more common in closely formed relationships. It includes any attempt to sway someone’s emotions to get them to act or feel a certain way.
- Manipulators have common tricks they’ll use to make you feel irrational and more likely to give in to their requests. A few common examples include:
- Guilt
- Complaining
- Comparing
- Lying
- Denying
- Feigning ignorance or innocence
- Blame
- Mind games
Signs of Manipulation
- Manipulation can happen in many forms. In fact, acting kind can be a form of manipulation, depending on the intent.
- People who manipulate others have common traits that you can look for. They include:
- They know your weaknesses and how to exploit them.
- They use your insecurities against you.
- They convince you to give up something important to you, to make you more dependent on them.
- If they succeed in their manipulation, they will continue to do so until you get out of the situation.
- A manipulator will try to bring you out of your comfort zone and places that you are familiar with to have an advantage over you. This can be in any place that the manipulator feels ownership of or in control.
Manipulation of Facts
- A manipulator will lie to you, make excuses, blame you, or strategically share facts about them and withhold other truths. In doing this, they feel they are gaining power over you and gaining intellectual superiority.
Exaggeration and Generalization
- Manipulators exaggerate and generalize. They may say things like, “No one has ever loved me.” They use vague accusations to make it harder to see the holes in their arguments.
Cruel Humor
- This tactic used by manipulators is meant to poke at your weaknesses and make you feel insecure. By making you look bad, they feel a sense of psychological superiority.
Gaslighting
- This tactic is used by the manipulator to confuse you and make you question your own reality. The manipulation happens when you confront the abuse or lies and the manipulator tells you that it never happened.
Passive Aggression
- In passive aggression, the manipulator doesn’t voice negative feelings toward or problems with a person. Instead, they find indirect ways to express their anger and undermine the other person.
- Emotional manipulators will often agree to a project or action, then seek passive-aggressive ways to let the other person know they don’t really want to be doing it. They may use specific passive-aggressive techniques such as:
- Sullenness or cynicism
- Intentional mistakes and procrastination
- Complaints about being underappreciated or somehow cheated out of something
- Resentment and covert opposition
In some cases, the manipulator will simply lie or claim ignorance about something.
This strategy may be as simple as someone insisting you meet them in their home or office, where they feel most powerful. Or they may create a constraint, such as a deadline, to try to pressure you into making their preferred decision.
Love-Bombing: Overwhelming and Unearned Closeness
Showering a new acquaintance with praise and affection, also called “love-bombing,” is a common tactic of emotional manipulation. It's even used in cults. An emotional manipulator may try to bind you to them through manufactured vulnerability or an artificially accelerated relationship.
Constant Judging
The manipulator does not hide their manipulation behind humor or “good fun.” In this case, they're open about judging, ridiculing, and dismissing you. They want to make you feel like you’re doing something wrong, and that no matter what you do, you will be inadequate to them. They only focus on negative aspects and don't offer constructive solutions.
Treating Manipulation
- Manipulation can be hard to identify or admit to when it happens to you. You are not at fault and you may not be able to prevent it. But there are things you can do to reduce the emotional impact of manipulation. Here are ways to set strong boundaries in a relationship:
- Communicate in clear, direct, and specific ways.
- Understand when manipulation is not normal and needs to be addressed.
- Set boundaries around manipulation and find a way to let the person know that you understand they are manipulating you, and that you don’t want to be a part of that conversation.
- Seek out a trusted person, who is not under the influence of the manipulator, and ask their advice about your situation.
Being able to identify manipulation is a large part of your solution. If manipulation is coming from a loved one, it can be very difficult to seek help. But manipulation can take a toll on your own emotional well-being. So it's important that you find a safe way out of the situation.
How To Avoid Honey Trapping In Relationships